Stuck between zero and one
Published 25 April 2012We’re fans of Ze Frank in this house. And tonight we discovered he’s doing a new show. Hurrah!
I’ve only watched the first vid so far, which is so different from his last show… but this video is just… wow. It’s called an Invocation for Beginnings.
It’s not often I watch a video and feel compelled to transcribe chunks of it.
Here’s the video:
If you can’t see the video embedded, you can go see it on YouTube
And there are the bits I just had to capture. Not all of these are relevant to me right now, but they’re still powerful enough for me to want to keep them on short notice.
This one at 0:13 reminds me of housework and blogging and Smarter Admins.
This is an invocation for anyone who hasn’t begun, who’s stuck in a terrible place between zero and one.
The 1:09 is self-explanatory, and I think something that resonates with a whole bunch of us:
Let me think about the people I care about the most.
And how when they fail, or disappoint me.
I still love them and I still give them chances.
And I still see the best in them.
Let me extend that generosity to myself.
At 1:36 you could replace “courage” with “motivation”
Let me remember that my courage is a wild dog.
It won’t just come when I call it.
I have to chase it down and hold on as tight as I can.
This one at 2:01 is something I’ll have to remember the next time I offend someone (i.e. tomorrow)
Let me remember that the impact of criticism is often not the intent of the critic.
And this? This one at 2:27 hits me on so many levels
Let me not think of my work only as a stepping stone to something else.
And if it is, let me become fascinated with the shape of the stone.
Do you have inspirational videos that you like to watch when you need a bit of a prod?
It’s going to be okay
Published 4 March 2012How do you convince yourself that everything is going to be okay? Do you see or hear something that you use as your focal point?
Something that, whether or not it actually works, makes you feel as though you’re going to be okay.
As much of a placebo effect it is, these signs are definitely okay with in my book. Whatever it takes, etc.
For Eden, it’s feathers on the ground.
For me, it’s rainbows.
Here’s an excerpt from my page about the rainbowtatt. It’s the Cliff’s Notes version of the importance of rainbows in my life, why I got a tattoo of a rainbow on my backside and why I named my blog after said rainbow tattoo.
(re-reading this reminds me that I really need to go back and edit the text for the grammatical errors and typos – egad)
A rainbow?
- Rainbows have always been significant in our family
- The inscription on my dad’s grave is “there will always be rainbows”
- The quote is reference to the Noah’s Ark parable, where God sent a rainbow at the end of the 40-day flood.
For me, the tattoo represents many things
- My dad, of course, who I only knew until I was 8
- In reference to “there will always be rainbows”, the rainbow represents that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, that every cloud has a silver lining… that whatever shit you’re going through… you can survive it
So whenever I see a rainbow in the sky. I always think it’s for me. It’s there to tell me that I’m being watched over, cared for… that I’m doing okay.
The rainbow is also there because it’s a natural phenomenon, but I choose to ignore that fact.
There are times that I refer to as “rainbow season”, like, when there’s a lot of rainbows (prophetic, aren’t I?) and often they happen when I need to see a good rainbow or two. Sometimes (like this month) I haven’t seen a single bloody rainbow and I’m a tad cranky at the rainbows because they’re hiding from me. I could do with a rainbow right now to tell me that money isn’t going to become a drastic problem some time soon. I could do with a rainbow right now to tell me to persevere with a hobby I’m really struggling to maintain right now and seriously on the verge of ditching completely.
I need a rainbow.
But then I tell myself that my worries are minor compared to the crap other people are living through right now. The rainbows need to be elsewhere, giving other people hope.
And this is why I have my own rainbow on my tailbone. My tattoo that’s almost 14 years old (I think), my tattoo that’s allergic to grass, my tattoo that’s hiding stretch marks and my tattoo that gets accidentally flashed at work when I’m unpacking the dishwasher.
It’s there to tell me things are going to be okay when there aren’t any natural phenomenon around to convince me of such. I’m sitting at my dining table right now with one hand on my back and I can feel where my tattoo is. Today I’ve had a severe MEH day and it’s taking me hours to talk myself out of it. It’s raining outside, but there’s no rainbow in sight, so I’m patting myself on the back (literally) to tell myself
it’s going to be okay
And I’ve realised: I am my own rainbow.
Unsorry
Published 25 February 2012I’m not different to you, I’ve got lots to be sorry about.
Sorry for what I’ve done, said, thought, seen, didn’t see, didn’t do, shoulda woulda coulda.
Sorry for myself, sorry for others.
But you know what? Right now? I’m so not sorry.
I’m over sorry right now.
This is me, take it or leave it. I’m loved for who I am, despite everything I’m supposed to be sorry for. I’m loved by my family and friends.
I’ve been reading lots of sorry posts for Eden’s Fresh Horse’s Brigade today. Lots of unspoken stories, unspoken “sorry”s. And right now, I just can’t be sorry.
I’m just sorry that you were expecting a sorry in this sorry post as part of a meme with a sorry theme this week.
Sorry!
Go ahead and JUMP
Published 19 February 2012In the last couple of weeks, I’ve noticed a lot of change in the air.
People are talking about changing their job, their career, their hair, their home, their relationship…
Have you noticed it too?
There’s been talk of change, of what happiness it might (or might not) bring, of its impact on their own little corner of the universe.
I feel like I’m surrounded by a populous who are getting ready to jump.
Source: s3.hubimg.com via Maria on Pinterest
But not me, I’m not changing anything in my life any time soon. I’m quite happy to be the rock in the centre while everything else twirls around.
Are you changing anything big in your life atm?
Band camp
Published 12 February 2012This week, I got to stay at a winery down at Bowral for a bit of overnight r’n'r.
This was the view as we drove in…
The weather’s been so wet lately, but the sky managed to clear up enough to let the sunshine through, if only for a little while, during our walking tour of the winery.
Apart from cows and bulls, we also found ducks, chickens and geese.
We saw the vineyards, but we weren’t really interested in the source of wine – we wanted the real deal. We stocked up the fridge (and drank most of it before we even finished our stay)…
We drank out of wine glasses…
We (okay, I) drank out of paper cups, too…
After eating a spectacular, home-cooked, locally-sourced dinner (including fresh herbs from the garden), we played some trivia while it poured down outside…
I loved being at the winery, enjoying the peace, the pitch dark after “sunset”, the LOLs and good times with fun people. But, as is always the case, the one night I was away was the night I really needed to be at home. It’s not my story to tell, but let’s just say that things got very stressful at home and I wasn’t here to even try to help out. Now that I’m home and it’s been a couple of days, things are improving, but the next few months are going to be interesting and we’re hopeful that the old adage “it’ll all work out in the end” reigns true in our little corner of suburbia.
How has your week been?
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