rainbowtatt

This post has been several days, drafts and revisions in the making. Let’s see how I go this time ’round…

(takes deep breath)

We’ve cancelled the wedding.

And we’re going to elope.

(exhales. slowly)

There are a multitude of reasons for our decision, some of which I’ve eluded to in my previous posts. The minor details are far too personal, and to be honest, it hurts my head to explain it. But those of you who have (tried to) arrange a wedding will have been there and understand all the complexities; we’ve just decided that we need to strip it back.

For our sakes.

It’s not been an easy decision. Last week we were in a daze, weighing up all the options, possibilities and potential fallout. I cried. Hard. But we ultimately know that our perfect day would just be a simple one that allows us to focus on each other, so we know we’ve made the right decision.

While elopment hasn’t happened much in my family, my in-laws prefer it and heaps of friends have eloped or had a small ceremony. And if I’m completely honest, I’ve had a massive crush on the idea of eloping after Jon and Heather eloped back in 2002. Yes, if the circumstances were different, I would have happily continued to organise our pizza-and-cupcakes wedding. But it’s just not meant to be.

I’ve unsubscribed from all the wedding blogs and site alerts. I’m packing away my wedding books and hoping to find them a new home. I’d be lying if I said that I don’t still feel pangs of hurt when I remember what we’ve surrendered. But as the days pass, the happier I am that we’ve made this decision.

A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And I’ve always been lazy, right? ;)

Best of all? Dan and I are even stronger and closer than we were this time last week.

Before I get started, a quick thank you to everyone for their lovely comments in my previous post. It was a hard one to write, and one that isn’t exactly my best writing, but I appreciated the comments all the same. Fanx guys :))

My weekend was totally focused on doing something NOICE for myself. I knew I had earned it!

I spent Saturday on the couch and crocheting. I mastered the technique with the help of a few more YouTube videos and am now well on the way to making a baby blanket for a friend’s bubba:

Look! The edges are almost straight!

Other noice-ities of the week include (and not limited to)

• Lovely friends who make lovely Tim Tam-themed treats
• Ordering our wedding bands (zomg I’m getting diamonds on mine!!!11!1!!)
• Discovering and watching about 10 eps of Glee (how fabulous is that damn show?!)
• Hanging out with my youngest nephew – who apparently described me afterwards as “cool”. Not bad from a 12yo!
• Booking TWO massages (!). One’s at InSpa, a place so popular I have to wait until the end of August for the next available appointment. So I booked an interim one this week with the girl who “shapes” my eyebrows.

What was noice in YOUR week? Join in at That’s Noice, our weekly meme called Noice-ities :)

Danielle’s hit us with a toughie on this week’s My Place & Yours: What do you look like when you get out of bed in the morning?

Uh oh.

I’m not too great in the morning, though I must admit that I’m surprised by how okay my hair looks first thing in the morning.

I’ve gone around and had a look at all the other girls who’ve been brave enough to post their pics, and I can totally imagine all of us waking up in the same house and making each other coffee and tea and eggs on toast. Funny how homely it feels to see how we look straight up :)

If you’ve got a blog, you should join in too!

It’s hard to find the words to explain what the last two months has been like. The stress, denial, acceptance; the explaining.

Mum was sick. Whether it was self-induced (addiction) or an existing condition (mental health) is like asking about the chicken or the egg. I want to be open about it for my own selfish reasons, but also to increase awareness, especially to people who are “victims” like me. But I don’t want to hurt anyone by my actions, either (i.e., sorry if all this seems vague and/or obscure).

On the day that mum went into hospital, I sat with her while she was told the cold hard facts of her need to stay in hospital. I watched her eyes as she realised that decisions were being made for her. Mum was only meant to be in hospital for a few days, but complications turned it into a seven-week ordeal. Mum’s medical team cared for her and made her well enough to leave the hospital. They determined that she couldn’t live on her own. That she needed to be in a nursing home.

But nursing homes are for Grandmas. Not mums. Not my mum. She’s too young. But we learned what she would need to stay well, and knew that a nursing home was for the best. It would mean we could sleep at night knowing that she’s getting the care she needs. And she’s getting that care now. We were so lucky to get mum placed into a nursing home that can care for her so well. I know so many people who are struggling while they care for their parents who are in a much worse position than mum (and us).

It’s strange that we’ve gone through so many processes that I associate with someone who’s passed away – taking over financials, cancelling the newspaper delivery, emptied out mum’s house – and we’ve even moved through some of the stages of grieving – yet mum’s still sitting in the nursing home, waiting for her next visitor.

While this is technically not a baked treat, it’s the latest in a recent trend of failed desserts by yours truly.

Malted Milkshake Cheesecake – from the AWW Cheesecake book

INGREDIENTS

200g chocolate mud cake 90g Maltesers, crushed 1/3 cup (80ml) chocolate liqueur

Filling 3 teaspoons gelatine ¼ cup (60ml) water 500g cream cheese, softened ½ cup (110g) caster sugar ½ cup (60g) powdered malt 1 cup (250ml) thickened cream 2 eggs, separated 100g dark eating chocolate, melted

Topping 55g Maltesers

METHOD

Cut mud cake into 1cm cubes; divide among eight 1 cup (250ml) glasses. Top with crushed Maltesers and liqueur.

Make filling by sprinkling gelatine over the water in small heatproof jug; stand jug in small saucepan of simmering water. Stir until gelatine dissolves. Cool 5 minutes.

Beat cheese, sugar and malt in medium bowl with electric mixer until smooth; beat in cream and egg yolks. Stir in gelatine mixture and then chocolate.

Beat egg whites in small bowl with electric mixer until firm peaks form; fold into chocolate mixture.

Divide filling among glasses, refrigerate overnight.

Serve cheesecake topped with whole Maltesers.

Now, the end product turned out pretty nice-looking, but to be honest, it tasted pretty bad. The only upside was that the mud cake tasted nice… and I’d bought the damn thing from Woollies!

I substituted the chocolate liqueur for chocolate milkshake sauce, but that’s right down the bottom and not in the cheesecake-y section, so therefore not the problem.

The only thing we can come up with is the fact that I used malted milk flavouring from the Quik/Milo/Sustagen section of the supermarket. Maybe that was the wrong thing to use?? Or perhaps because I bought organic dark chocolate because it was on special and therefore cheaper?

Lesson: never deviate from the recipe on the first attempt!

I need your help – where did I go wrong?

My contribution to this week’s Noice-ities, in point form:

• Things are looking up with mum’s move into the nursing home; we’re closing to finishing clearing out her old place and more and more I’m realising that we really did make the right decision to agree for her to be moved. I still need to fill you in, but only when my brain is better equipped
• We met with the celebrant we’ve chosen for the wedding… which I’m told is less than 100 days away (thanks, Leigh!). Lachlan is just the person we want for a celebrant – no fuss, no fluff!
• Light – in the bedroom! The globe blew, oh, 2 or 3 weeks ago and we keep forgetting to grab the ladder to change it (downside of these 12ft ceilings we have). So last night, in the dark, I wiped the bugs and cobwebs off the ladder and clambered up and changed the bulb myself – Dan was terrified, convinced that I would fall off. Because I succeeded I sang that “I Don’t Need A Man” song by the Pussycat Dolls, complete with booty dance ;)
• I saw the most beautiful thing this week – Tiff from My Three Ring Circus has been working so hard to raise funds for the hospital where her youngest daughter is regularly treated. A fundraiser day was held at the local school and they raised $2k! The montage of photos brought more than a few tears to my eyes:

• Last but not least, I got a luffly surprise in the post! It was from the gorgeous Elizabeth of Scarlet Words – a cupcake soap! Plus a brilliant handmade card. Full of awesome :D

Why don’t you join in with us at Noice-itites?

When I bought 2x packs of microwavable slippers from Catch of the Day last week, I didn’t realise that they were double packs.

Hence:

All it takes is one minute in the microwave and voila!, I have toasty warm feet. With so many spare pairs I can also have warm hands, elbows and knees ;) And yes, I realise that just by owning a pair that it really takes me to the next level of “special”, but I do not care: I heart my new slippers with all my heart.

They’re just a fancy version of those microwavable heat packs and not exactly easy to walk around in. But they are SO WARM!

But what should I do with the spare pairs? They’d make a great giveaway on That’s Noice, no?

Wow, June was full. on.

In between taking lots of photos of me lying in bed, I turned 32, got some wedding prep done, went to a Gruen Transfer taping, moved mum into a nursing home and picked up a new way to wear scarves (with thanks to Amy Pond in Doctor Who).

1. 152/365: taken by Jarod while I was driving them to the airport, 2. 153/365: logging off kthxbai, 3. 154/365: breakfasttime, 4. 155/365: hard to crochet with a bear in your lap, 5. 156/365: power ring, 6. 157/365: trying on a dress, 7. 158/365: attempting a myspace pose, 8. 159/365: sorry, it’s yet another bedtime shot, 9. 160/365: morning struggle, 10. 161/365: cold weather gear, 11. 162/365: crochet buddy, 12. 163/365: wedding makeup trial, 13. 164/365: wearing threadless tees at Liz & Jarod’s Informal Wedding Celebrations, 14. 165/365: successful wedding outfit shopping trip with the BFF, 15. 166/365: Bear’s wondering where dinner is, 16. 167/365: Bed snuggles with Elvis, 17. 168/365: new cupcake earrings, 18. 169/365: baby Joey!!, 19. 170/365: i boughted a hat, 20. 171/365: wishing iPhone had flash, 21. 172/365: nerdy, 22. 173/365: my friend on the couch, 23. 174/365: I’m B1!! Liz is B2!, 24. 175/365: is the webcam working now?, 25. 176/365: i has a wedding folders, 26. 177/365: happy 7th birthday bear!!, 27. 178/365: aunty rah + 6ft nephew, 28. 179/365: no pic, but here’s my sister’s suitcase that the cat peed in, 29. 180/365: hello cupcake!, 30. 181/365: mesmerised by (lack of) size of iphone compared to new giganto monitor

(I should also call this post “Zomg have you missed me I’m back now lolz”)

I could go on and on about what’s kept me away from blogging in the last few weeks, but I’m still processing it in my head. So for a gentle return, I’m getting back on the wagon with Danielle’s My Place & Yours and this week’s theme: Where Do You Sleep?

I could take a photo of the bed, but that’s easy. So here’s the couch a.k.a. my daybed:

(See? Even Bear and Elvis love it!)

I. Love. This. Couch.

We bought this 3-seater (in “natural” a.k.a. more expensive colour kthxbai) from Ikea at Christmastime. Yes, I actually own a couch from Ikea, and I never thought I’d say that. But after months (literally) of hunting for The One, Ikea turned out to be the place.

Now that we have a 3-seater, I now have a “day bed”. There’s room for me to stretch out for my weekend nanna naps and the kittehs fit too.

This couch is worth every cent. zzzzzzzzz

Late last year I discovered and started following Andrew G’s 365 project. Yeah, the guy who hosts Australian Idol (or did he quit? I wouldn’t know, I hardly watch TV).

He’s up to day 363:

Even though he’s definitely perve-worthy, he’s actually got some interesting things to say about the state of society and teaches me things about the middle-east.

Apart from being a photographer, he’s a twitterer and a blogger and he’s a tumblr too. Oh, and he uses formspring, a website where he answers whatever questions he gets asked.

Even though he hangs out a fair bit online, I think I’m going to feel a bit lost without having a new photo to check out every day… I’m interested in the articles, I swear, not just the pictures! ;)